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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  August 26, 2011 12:35am-1:35am EDT

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♪ together you and i paint a pretty rainbow ♪ belong like a songbird ♪ and we'll always be ♪ together you and i
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♪ brushed with love [ cheers and applause ] incredible dolly parton and have a great weekend, "jimmy fallon," emmy-nominated [ cheers and applause ]
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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television
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-- captions by vitac -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's the new york city crowd! right there, everybody. welcome! welcome to "late night --" welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. hey, this is nice. today, michelle obama urged her husband's supporters to sign an e-card for his 50th birthday, which explains why joe biden has magic marker all over his computer screen. [ laughter ] hey, here's an election update. fox news will host the next republican primary debate on august 11th, in iowa. yeah, fox news will ask some tough questions like, "how much better are you than obama?" "why is obama such a bad president?" and, "man, can you believe we elected that guy?" [ laughter ] it's gonna be very interesting. hey, this is cool. i heard that later this year, india will introduce a $35 laptop.
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it's weird buying a computer in india, 'cause when you call tech support, your own cell phone rings. [ laughter ] [ indian accent ] "hello. have you tried unplugging it? [ laughter ] you know i did, i'm you. [ laughter ] control+alt+delete, what you want me to do? [ cheers and applause ] how much did you pay for it? $35. well, there you have it, i mean --" [ laughter ] i just read this. a company in south carolina is selling a new device that keeps track of how many bites of food you have each day. i think we already have a device like that. it's called your butt. [ laughter ] >> steve: [ obnoxious humming ] ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] >> jimmy: sorry, everybody. [ laughter ] hey, speaking of food, a new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill
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every year. or, as americans put it, "cool, i saved $380 this year." [ laughter ] this is interesting. in a recent survey, 60% of teenagers said they're highly addicted to their cell phones. while the other 40% were like -- [ laughter ] "one sec, i'm sorry. what were you saying? hold on a second. gary's awesome." [ laughter ] i don't know what to make of this. a restaurant here in new york is serving a grilled cheese flavored martini. [ audience groans ] or as parents put it, "finally a way to get my kids to finish their martinis. i mean -- [ laughter ] every time we go out. finish that." >> steve: "garrison, finish that." [ light laughter ] [ indian accent ] "just unplug it for 10 seconds. that's all. [ laughter ] and then plug it back in. is it working? no. you can clearly see it is not, 'cause you are me. where are you stationed? my name is steve, i live in new jersey." [ laughter ]
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check this out. a company is making a new line of perfume that is supposed to smell like lithuania. [ laughter ] and if it doesn't, how the hell would you know? i mean, really -- [ laughter ] and finally, kraft, the owner of oscar mayer and planters is splitting into two publicly-traded companies. that's not good. you never want to split your weiner from your nuts. [ laughter ] you really don't. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. give it up for the roots, right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i saw the country doctor to ask him what was wrong with me ♪ ♪ he was caught unaware accidental and devil may care ♪ ♪ behind the curtain i see bottles unmarked in front of me ♪ ♪ whoa, nobody knows the trouble i've seen ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's my man, right there. that's bruce hornsby, right there, sitting in with the roots. [ cheers and applause ] bruce hornsby, oh my god. here's his latest album, "bride of the noisemakers." [ laughter ] what is this? bruce, explain yourself. >> can you hear me? >> jimmy: yes, i can. >> okay, great. explain myself? i need to explain the lovely couple, there. >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, "bride of the noisemakers" is sequel to our first live record, "here come the noisemakers," so, you know, it was either "beneath the planet of the noisemakers" or "bride of the noisemakers." but that is the miserable couple. it's my bass player, j.d. collier, getting married to my keyboard player, j.t. thomas. [ laughter ] in drag. and you know what john thomas means in england, right? you know what a "john thomas" is? >> jimmy: no, i'll have to google it. >> okay, check it out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, good. i'm gonna check it out. >> it's be a beautiful moment for you. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ]
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i'm gonna get -- nbc's gonna take my computer away, aren't they? yeah. [ laughter ] i'll be under investigation. you guys, you can see the great bruce hornsby on tour this summer with bela fleck and the flecktones. bruce hornsby in the house, come on! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ they said hey, old man you can't go where the others go ♪ oh, just so good, man. ♪ they don't talk like you ♪ hey, as many of you know, it's "shark week." [ cheers and applause ] yeah. right now, it's time for a quick shark fact. >> shark facts! ♪ >> sharks have acute senses that can detect smell and taste. they also have a powerful gay-dar. ♪ [ crunching loudly ] mm, big fan of the show, jimmy. >> jimmy: we got an awesome show tonight, you guys. he's starring in the new movie, "the change-up." we love it when he comes by! ryan reynolds is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] talented, funny, canadian dude. oh.
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a great actress and one of the stars of the highly anticipated film called "the help," viola davis is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] she's beautiful she's talented. and we got great music from fountains of wayne tonight, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] what more do you want? i'm very -- i'm in a great mood tonight because the new season of "jersey shore" starts tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] it's on my tivo already. this'll be their fourth season. they're going to italy. it's cool to see how the cast of that show has grown closer together over the years. and here at "late night," we're all about bringing people closer, so tonight we're gonna do a special, "jersey shore" edition of a segment we like to call "shared experiences." ♪ sharing a thing with one another it's a shared experience♪ >> jimmy: all right, here's how it works. throughout the show, the whole audience, plus the roots, higgins and myself, as well as you at he, we're all gonna share a few experiences together.
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so, tonight's theme is "jersey shore." we're gonna do the exact same thing at the exact same time and it's gonna be fun. you guys ready? [ cheers and applause ] all right. our first "shared experience." i want you to reach under your chair and grab the t-shirt that is under there. just the t-shirt. very good, you -- yeah, very classy looking shirts. i don't know what's the front and what's the back, to be honest. but these are great. let's put those on. yeah, this is all good stuff. it's real -- the good thing about the shirts is they go with everything. they really go with anything. and what we're going to do is once they're on, i'm going to count to three and we're all going to yell, "it's t-shirt time!" [ laughter ] and then, i think the roots are going to play a little fist-pumping music. okay? all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here we go, 1, 2, 3! >> together: "it's t-shirt time!" ♪
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: very good. all right, very good. everybody, thanks. that was great. that was great, everybody. very, very good. felt like a friday night at karma. [ applause ] can we see some of the -- can we see some of the best fist-pumpers in slow motion, please? ♪ there you go, yeah, there ya go. oh, yeah, a little chin action, there. look at that one guy, yeah. he's just going nuts. oh, that's good. that's unison, right there. you guys have been out together before, yeah. one guy was almost like too cool, he was like, holding the shake weight. he was like -- [ laughter ] everybody stay tuned. because we'll be right back with more of these "shared experiences." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ if you don't have an iphone,
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you don't have airplay. which makes it easy to play music from your phone, on your stereo or see the photos you've taken on your tv. and if you want to share your favorite movie, that's easy too. airplay. just one more thing that makes an iphone and iphone. what the heck is that? those are the mike's hard lemonade® guys. can't keep drinking the same old beer all the time. yeah. doing the same thing over and over? that's just crazy. [ male announcer ] for a refreshing change of taste, make it a mike's®.
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life opens up when you do. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: very nice. thank you, buddy. sounds good. [ cheers and applause ] oh. all right, welcome back, everybody. it's time for part two of tonight's "jersey shore shared experience." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sharing a thing with one another it's a shared experience ♪ >> jimmy: oh, that's so beautiful, kirk. for our next "shared experience," i want you to reach under your chair and grab the wig that's under there. [ audience groans ] now, you'll find either a snooki or a pauly d wig. [ laughter ] a couple different ones. there you go, higg-bones. that's good. questlove, that's gonna be tough. just put it on, right there. [ laughter ] mine on right? there you go, very good. oh yeah, you guys are lookin' good. >> steve: nice. >> jimmy: everyone's looking really good. very good. now -- on the count of three -- don't fight over them, don't fight over the wigs!
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>> steve: there's plenty of wigs. >> jimmy: this one guys is crazy. like, "i don't wanna be pauly d, i wanna be snooki!" all right, you guys -- let's bring down the lights and we'll do some more fist-pumping. let's go, you guys. 1, 2, 3, let's do it! ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, very good. very good. thank you. very, very good. thank you, quest. thank you, guys. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. some guys are liking it too much. it's pretty sad out there, yeah. okay, now -- now that we're all in the "jersey shore" spirit, there's something i wanted to show you guys. as you know, the cast of "jersey
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shore" has been all over the place lately. they're always in the news. they're always endorsing products. anyway, last night, i was watching tv and saw this commercial where pauly d was promoting a brand new product called "jersey shore" bottled water. [ laughter ] here, take a look at this. ♪ >> jimmy: what up? pauly d here. look, bro, after a long day of gtl, i get thirsty, so that's when i reach for a cool, refreshing bottling of "jersey shore" brand bottled water. now, a lot of bottled water comes from lakes or streams. that's disgusting. that's why "jersey shore" water is bottled straight from the only source i trust, the "jersey shore" hot tub. ♪ that's right, bro -- [ audience groans ] every last drop goes from the "jersey shore" hot tub, straight to your mouth. featuring a unique blend of all natural ingredients, such as h2o, axe body spray, sweat, vodka, pickle juice, vodka, grenade sweat, red bull, hair, spray on tan and our secret ingredient, "the situation"'s special sauce.
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[ audience ohs ] and it tastes even better than it looks. [ audience groans ] [ audience ohs ] ah, i can taste the jwoww. [ laughter ] [ choking ] a friggin' earring! nice! "jersey shore" water, yeah. now available in snooki size. [ laughter ] -- here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. "jersey shore" water. looks very refreshing. all right. it's time for our last "jersey shore shared experience," you guys. look under your seat one more time and pull out your grenade whistle, please. and don't blow it until i tell you to. i know it's tempting. don't blow it until i tell you to. all right, this is what the guys blow when they see their bro bringing home an unattractive lady friend.
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those girls are called gren-odds? is that correct? is it french? yeah, grenades. so we're gonna blow our grenade whistles. but first, we're gonna need a grenade. >> did someone call my name? >> jimmy: what's that? >> somebody call my name? >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, from seaside heights, new jersey, please welcome gina, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi! hi there. oh, hi, questlove. [ laughter ] it seems your quest for love ended last night, as far as i remember. [ laughter ] don't pretend that you don't know me, frankie, i know you. i know you. well, we had a good time last night, fellas, but tonight, i'm gonna let myself go! hit it! ♪
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>> jimmy: all right, everybody, blow your whistles! come on, let's get her out of here. [ vuvuzelas ] all right, i think she's gone. great job, everybody! great job! another great "shared experience," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we will be right back with ryan reynolds. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ radio dj ] kathy, your voice sounds familiar. have you ever won anything before? no. [ radio dj ] alright, well here's your question. what is the deepest lake in the us? oh, boy, way to give me the hardest. geography was never my... crater lake.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! very good. our first guest is a talented actor, who stars in the new movie "the change-up," also with jason bateman and they've been making fun of each other all week. i love those guys.
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it opens on this -- this friday it opens up. it's called "the change-up." let's take a look at a clip. >> how's my favorite ballerina doing? >> hi, uncle mitch! >> hi! wow! gosh, you're so light. are you dieting? >> you want to come to my dance recital? >> oh, no, honey. the only style of dancing that uncle mitch likes involves a big shiny pole and broken women with daddy issues. oh. yeah. story time is over. go fix your hair. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome our pal, ryan reynolds! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: they love you here, wow. they love you! >> the roots. bruce hornsby. i mean, come on. >> hello, sir. how are you? [ cheers and applause ]
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>> strong jersey shore in the house. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. i don't have any idea what that show -- >> i can smell the paco rabanne from here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were you really throwing -- was that a real girl you were throwing up and down? -- >> that was a real child actor right there. >> jimmy: well, who would let their kid be thrown around by you? >> who would let their kid be a child actor? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's pretty rough. >> i mean, you have to have really, really good parents if you're going to be a child actor. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean, there's very few former child actors i know that haven't done hard time. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> you know, and that's -- my advice to parents typically that want to put their kid in show business, just skip the showbiz part and get them a little malibu barbie crack pipe, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that's so nice. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's some good advice. >> it's a starter kit. >> jimmy: it's something, yeah. >> you know, you got to start somewhere. >> jimmy: somewhere. but you were a child actor, right? >> i was a child -- started at 13 -- >> jimmy: in canada? >> 13 years old. yeah. but the difference between me and, you know, child actors like the adorable girl in the movie or jason bateman who was here last night was that i was
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frighteningly unsuccessful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? did not work out for you? >> yeah. it's why i think i have some, you know, normal tendencies now. >> jimmy: yeah, you're a little bit -- yeah. >> yeah. it's why there's mystery blood in my bedroom every morning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> no, i don't know what that means either. >> jimmy: yeah, you killed someone. you murdered a man. >> i'm having a little stroke here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ryan. >> no, i started -- yeah, i started on canadian soap opera called -- yeah -- no. [ laughter ] no, you haven't seen it. >> jimmy: really? >> whoa. it was a canadian soap opera which is a lot like american soap opera except our problems didn't matter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got you. i understand. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you got out of acting for a little while. >> yeah, i -- well, i went -- after i finished that, i was about 15 years old. i went back to canada and did, like a slew of -- remember in the early '90s where all those movies of the week? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, they all came out every week. it was about some horrible issue, and i think i played -- >> jimmy: meredith baxter-birney was in, like, three quarters of them.
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>> yeah. i played every -- like every ex-falcon star -- you know, every ex-falcon star lady's son in every movie of the week about either alcoholism or anorexia. and i did about four or five of those, and i just -- i'd had enough. so i quit, and then moved to l.a. >> jimmy: now, how was l.a.? >> l.a. was good. i got there about 19 years old. i pulled up in my jeep. i had this jeep yj. i drove it all the way to l.a. >> jimmy: cool. >> and, uh -- [ laughter ] really? i mean, come on. >> jimmy: sorry, sorry. sorry. i'm sorry. i apologize. >> i, uh -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was picturing you in a jeep. it's pretty cool, man. >> yeah, no. it was a malibu barbie jeep. it was incredible, man. hot pink. >> jimmy: you're action figures -- what color was the jeep? >> it was black -- >> jimmy: cool. [ light laughter ] >> i pulled it up to my -- >> jimmy: thank you, no. sorry. >> i pulled it up to my little motel that i was staying in, which was -- i swear to god, it was the most disgusting place you've ever seen. i was staying there. the furniture was made of old congealed fluids and stuff. [ laughter ]
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thick buttress of couch. i'm not sitting on that without a latex unitard. [ laughter ] but i pulled up, i dropped my bags off and i went back outside, and someby stole my jeep. my cool jeep. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] >> yes. it was gone. and i found it a block and a half away. and i don't know if this is just an l.a. -- like, it's their version of the welcome basket, but the doors were gone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, what? >> and i was like -- yeah, they stole the doors from my jeep. >> jimmy: ripped the doors off? >> yeah, and i was totally -- i was not insured for this, so -- i mean, because who steals doors, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you do with jeep doors? >> yeah, and so i went looking to different shops that sell, like, used car parts and i found this one on la brea, and i went down and i found this car shop that sells jeep doors. and it turns out i think -- i am pretty sure i bought my own jeep doors back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pretty good business. i got it. pretty good business. >> not bad, yeah. >> jimmy: we were talking about "the change-up." you, bateman. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you and j-bates. >> yeah, i saw -- yeah, yeah. jason, yeah. jason. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i've been friends with him
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for about 15 years. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we -- yeah, we worked together on this. it was incredible. >> jimmy: but it's like a switch -- switcheroo movie where you want his life, he wants your life. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then magic happens. >> yeah. which is, you know, the body switch idea, that's never been done before. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. see, yeah. you might be right. >> yeah, but what brought "j" and i to this movie was just the fact that it -- the movie was a hard, hard "r" rating. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we were -- we got it -- i mean, you read 88 pages into the script. we both call each other. we're in. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i was like, "yeah, i'm in." >> jimmy: it's a switcheroo movie, but made dirty, yeah. >> i don't care. i'll play the little girl. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i don't -- i really don't care. get me in this. >> jimmy: but you play, like -- you play an actor in the movie and i'm not spoiling it for anybody, but -- >> yeah. well, yeah. >> jimmy: you act in lornos. >> yes, lornos. yes, i'm -- which are called light porn. [ light laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. that's pretty good stuff. how was those -- how was that? >> well, we shot in -- i don't -- when we were shooting, i didn't -- i never look at the advance schedule, and the one day -- well, basically my character, he's an out of work actor. he's trying to keep a roof over
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his head, and he finally gets a big movie. and he gets this big movie and then our bodies obviously switch. so now jason bateman is in my body, so i have the mind of a conservative married, you know, father of three. and he has to go live my life for the day. and i tell him, "you got to go to the movie, man, because i need to pay my bills. you have to go. i'm sorry. you know, it's my big break." so he shows up, and he discovers that it's, in fact, a light porn. it's not an action movie. >> jimmy: no, no, no. yeah, he doesn't -- not the movie he thinks. >> even though my name's steve driver in the movie. [ laughter ] i mean, you find out -- that was a big -- a big hint right there. >> jimmy: steve driver. >> yeah. so we show up and we're shooting this scene and my -- i never look at the advanced schedule on a movie, and this is the one day i flew my mom in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and there's like a 60-year-old porn star in the movie. she's, like -- she takes her top off and the her, you know -- the things are just like marty feldman.
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one eye's this way, one eye that way. [ laughter ] and i'm just like -- >> jimmy: marty feldman reference. >> i was just like, "mom. all right, this is not -- i --" >> jimmy: your mom is like -- >> i'm like, "i don't blame you. i don't blame you for this, mom." >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah. >> it's nothing to do with -- >> jimmy: just passed out. >> just horrifying, yeah. yeah, so she -- my mom just almost passed away right there on the set. [ light laughter ] it was horrible. >> jimmy: right there, but no, it's fine. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but last night, we had jason bateman on the show last night, and he actually -- we played a nice game we called "things you don't know about ryan reynolds." >> yeah, i'm aware. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, let's give an -- give an example of what one if them was. >> yeah. >> he guest starred on the "sesame street" as the letter a. a not so thinly veiled attempt for children to witness him placing his face in an a-hole. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> i mean, 15 -- 15 years of friendship. >> jimmy: why would he do -- and he does that on national television. >> 15 years of friendship on national television. >> jimmy: well, that was perfect. because we have a new segment on our show called "things you don't know about jason bateman." >> oh. [ cheers ] ♪ things you don't know about jason bateman ♪
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>> jimmy: there you go. >> yeah. jimmy, i happen to have a list, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very, very nice. >> let's see here. this is "several things that you don't know about jason bateman" by his good pal, ryan reynolds. [ cheers ] okay, oh, we got eight here. okay, so -- number 8, jason is the go-to guy for guilt-free low carb dessert recipes. >> jimmy: hey, i didn't know that. >> no, i didn't either. [ laughter ] number 7, jason bateman has only 11% body fat and it's all in his balls. [ laughter ] number 6, jason makes all of his clothing by hand and calls them the bateman summer casuals. >> jimmy: oh, is that right? [ laughter ] >> number 5, bateman will only wear underwear made from high density rubber. nothing on that one. [ laughter ] number 4, as a child, jason starred in the hit tv show,
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"silver spoons," and was probably a dick then, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, these are things i didn't know about jason bateman. >> yeah. number 3, nowadays, has a good attitude on set even though he refers to child actors as prostitots. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not -- i don't think that's true. >> i don't know. that's -- i've seen him do it, though. it's a horrifying -- >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> number 2, knows it's generally frowned upon, but proudly owns an indonesian man servant named peter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: didn't know this. >> because, according to jason bateman, "these feet aren't going to wash themselves." >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] so nice. >> really a nice guy. >> jimmy: he's like a great guy. >> and number 1, and this is true, jason bateman is not a hollywood douchebag. he lives in beverly hills. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice of you to do that. i didn't know any of those facts. >> no, yeah. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> well, you're very welcome. actually, you know, one of those -- i have to be honest, one of those -- one of those facts were not true, though. i did lie about one of them. >> jimmy: oh, you did lie about one of them, yeah. >> yeah, he knows nothing about guilt-free low carb dessert recipes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the one. >> nothing at all. >> jimmy: hey, you guys, "the change-up" is in theaters
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everywhere on friday. more with ryan reynolds when we come back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hi, mom. how was school today? [ girls ] good. ♪ ♪ thank you! ♪ phew! [ ernie ] we make our cookies the way only keebler elves can: with a little something extra. so every bite can be uncommonly good.
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yea, right over here. look at 'em all. what about a black frontier with utilitrack? absolutely. oh, great, that's awesome. what about a platinum graphite rogue with touch-screen nav, bluetooth, and...a moonroof? with or without leather? we got 'em both. [ sighs ] i gotta get back. [ male announcer ] the most innovative cars are also the most available cars. nissan. innovation for all. >> unwind your mind, as we journey deep into the mystic
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forest realm to discover pearls of wisdom with goat leg greg and gilvin of the tree. ♪ >> jimmy: hello. i'm goat leg greg. and this is "pearls of wisdom, with goat leg greg." gilvin of the tree, show yourself! ♪ >> it is i, gilvin of the tree. commence thy pearls, greg! speak to us about the "jersey shore!" >> jimmy: "jersey shore." [ laughter ] "jersey shore." your house is full of guidos. hot tubs, fights, and crazy nights. and venereal disease-o's. [ laughter ] [ hits one note harshly ] >> hahaha. good one, greg. the trutheth, is what you thou speaketh! now tell us, if you will, of snooki!
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>> jimmy: i knew a girl named snooki. [ laughter ] a vodka shot she took-y. she met a juice head, then went to bed. with a pickle in her cookie! [ laughter ] >> classic greg. you speaketh, what the rest of us merely doth thinketh! [ laughter ] it's as if your words hath given birth to themselves and raised them betwixt the bulging bosoms of brilliance. now ruminate on he who calls himself "the situation." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "the situation" has a hairless chest. on that we can all agree. but underneath his boxer briefs, it's a hairy situation indeed. [ laughter ] [ harsh flute playing ]
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>> never a truer word hath been spoken from thy most mouthful of mouths! it's as though your wisdom itself has grown dragon wings, allowing it to fly high above mankind and release its droppings on the unsuspecting heads of thy enemies! bravo, greg! >> jimmy: all right! enough, gilvin, enough! i've grown tired of your incessant pestering. it is time for my final pearl. [ harsh flute playing ] [ laughter ] >> oh, the final pearl. commence thy final pearl, greg! speaketh of thou jwoww! >> jimmy: jwoww is her name. she don't take no crap from others. i don't mean to ramble, but there's nothing as ample as a handful of her bajungas! [ laughter ] [ harsh flute playing ] >> oh, that was it! that was the one, greg. you did it. goodbye, greg! goodbye! >> jimmy: farewell, gilvin and
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farewell to you all this has been "pearls of wisdom, with goat leg greg." [ cheers and applause ] my thanks to ryan reynolds. go see "the change-up." stick around, we'll be right back with viola davis! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] when you're looking for a twist, crack open a bud light lime. ♪ it's a fraction of the hope but it's hard to control ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] the great taste of bud light, with a twist. bud light lime. all the refreshment of bud light, with a splash of 100% natural lime flavor. bud light lime. it's bud light. with a twist. you're gonna take this and scrape off all the drippings. follow me.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest -- you sound great, guys. our next guest is a tony award-winning and
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oscar-nominated actress, who leads a star-studded cast in the film adaptation of the bestselling novel, "the help," which is in theatres next wednesday, august 10th. please welcome to the show an actress at the top of her game, viola davis, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, i got something for you, here. i got a little apple pie. >> oh, man! >> jimmy: it does? yeah. >> yes. this is how we release stress in mississippi. >> jimmy: holy moley. >> it's called apple pie or milk punch. >> jimmy: milk punch? gross. >> milk punch is a combination of condensed milk, powdered sugar, cinnamon and bourbon.
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[ clink ] [ laughter ] [ in unison ] oh, my gosh! >> jimmy: gosh! i mean, that's fuel. >> oh. >> jimmy: that's gasoline. that kerosene. >> no offense to "jersey shore" but -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i like "mob wives." >> jimmy: yeah, oh -- all right, no -- >> i like "mob wives." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like "mob wives," too. >> because i like drita. drita is like a sister. you know? >> jimmy: i like -- do you like "housewives of new jersey"? >> no, i like "mob wives." [ laughter ] they're hardcore. i mean, they're hard. >> jimmy: they took it to the next level. >> especially drita. it's like, you know, "when i fight, i like to be comfortable. [ laughter ] and how i'm comfortable is with my shoes off." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i love it, right? it's great. it's great. >> hey, look at you on the cover of all of these magazines, here. you're looking on gorgeous on "entertainment weekly," look at that. >> oh man! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: beautiful. looking gorgeous. the three of you girls. looking gorgeous. and then , here's you, on the cover of "essence," looking so beautiful, there. look at that! "fresh style!" [ cheers and applause ] "time to shine."
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i don't read that much "essence." i know it's a good magazine, though. >> it's a wonderful magazine. >> jimmy: yeah. it's not really for me, though. >> lots of information about -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: black hair updates, the new fro, yeah. [ laughter ] i gotta check that out. see, i love this -- >> it would be about you, if you had jungle fever. >> jimmy: yeah, well -- now i gotta check this out. oh, here's what i like about this. look at this. this is not a fake -- i like this. "viola davis, hollywood's best kept secret." right underneath this -- "outsmart any car dealer." [ laughter ] -- hot topics, right there. fantastic. you look gorgeous, though. oh my gosh. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're so pretty, but -- >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: in this movie, "the help," you don't get that much makeup. >> i -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right? no, we were talking about this backstage. i'm not -- i don't mean to insult you. you still look gorgeous but -- >> i had to gain 25 pounds, doing "the help." and then i was padded. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. >> and i gained weight by eating mississippi food. they fried the butter before they put it on the bread and they fried the bread on top of that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah.
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>> mm hm. >> jimmy: do you want to explain -- people probably know what "the help" is because the book was so huge. >> the book was really huge and it's about this young girl who wants to be a writer, skeeter. and she decides to write a book about black domestics, working for white women in 1961 mississippi. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so she sets about, you know, putting this book together and we meet her at night and we risk our lives and there's lots of laughs along the way. >> jimmy: yeah, see? i like that. and the -- well, the actual -- the maids end up doing the writing, right? >> they end up doing the writing and -- >> jimmy: and the book becomes a smash -- >> and the book becomes a smash hit and they make lots of money. and it's just such a beautiful and wonderful story. i think it's touched people across the board -- men -- i mean, grown men, my husband, ex-linebacker, he's got 38 inch thighs. i mean, he was crying like a baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, i hope -- i hope his friends are watching tonight. that'll make him feel good. >> he's caught, though. >> jimmy: yeah, it's fantastic. it's -- i can't wait to see this movie, 'cause everyone's talking about that. you are phenomenal, everyone's talking about you.
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but you were saying it's like 100 and something degrees? >> 110 degrees, 100% humidity. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: no. that's when i leave the film. that's when i walk off. [ laughter ] that's why i wasn't in "the help." yeah, they didn't even want -- they didn't ask me, but still -- yeah, i was too busy trying to outsmart car dealers. [ laughter ] now, i know how. i want to show a clip of this movie, "the help" and just see how great viola davis is. you're gonna love her performance. here's viola davis in "the help." >> i'd really like to interview you, at least. i know it's scary. >> they set my cousin shinelle's car on fire, just because she went down to the voting station. >> a book like this has never been written before. >> 'cause there's a reason. i do this interview, i might as well burn my own house down. >> i promise, i'll be careful. >> this already ain't careful, ms. skeeter. >> jimmy: you're good. you know that? [ cheers and applause ] you know that you're good. you're awesome. oh, come on!
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you're good, you know it! next time you come back, we'll do goat leg greg together. >> oh yeah! >> jimmy: are you in? don't miss viola davis' performance in "the help." [ cheers and applause ] it's in theaters next week. next wednesday. fountains of wayne perform next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests just released their fifth album, "sky full of holes" and they're here tonight to play a song from it, called "richie and rubin." please welcome fountains of wayne! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ they opened up a bar called living hell right from the start it didn't go too well ♪ ♪ they didn't have the vibe or quite the
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right clientele ♪ ♪ they bought a velvet rope and the doorman laughed they got robbed blind by half the wait staff ♪ ♪ six short weeks and they were forced to sell ♪ ♪ richie and ruben don't know what they're doin' richie and ruben ♪ ♪ are both a little out of their minds don't give them a dime ♪ ♪ they'll blow through your dough just like they blew through mine ♪ ♪ oh whoa oh, oh, oh oh whoa oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ where did the money go where did the money go ♪ ♪ they opened a boutique they called debris
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together with some kid from f.i.t. ♪ ♪ though later it turned out he never quite got his degree eleven hundred bucks for a ripped up shirt ♪ ♪ they came pre-stained with bleach and black dirt seemed just a little bit too steep to me ♪ ♪ richie and ruben don't know what they're doin' richie and ruben ♪ ♪ are both a little out of their minds don't give them a dime ♪ ♪ they'll blow through your dough just like they blew through mine ♪ ♪ and ever since the seventh grade they've been saying that we've got it made ♪ ♪ and i still haven't gotten paid gotten paid at all
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♪ oh whoa oh, oh, oh oh whoa oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ where did the money go richie and ruben ♪ ♪ don't know what they're doin' richie and ruben are both a little ♪ ♪ they're both a little they're both a little out of their minds ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you, my man. thank you, brother. appreciate it. fountains of wayne, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] check out their new album, "sky full of holes!" visit for an exclusive bonus performance. my thanks to ryan reynolds, viola davis, fountains of wayne. [ cheers and applause ] bruce hornsby. there ya go. and the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for carson daly. thanks for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪


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